Keep on Coming

Read this.  Joel 2:12 AMP – Therefore also now, says the Lord, turn and keep on coming to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping and with mourning (until every hindrance is removed and the broken fellowship is restored).  
Now go back and read it again.  Have you ever felt that way?  Have you ever felt so far from God that you knew there was a HUGE wall between you and Him? I have.  As a Christian, I have felt that way. I have messed up so bad that I felt like there was no way He could ever hear me again.  Much less love me.  I remember being in the middle of that pit and reading this scripture.  Yeah, I know, it wasn’t written for me….but in that moment, it was written for me.
That night, in all my pain, it was as though God had hand written a letter to me and said, “Just turn away from your sin, and keep running to me.  No matter how hard it is, no matter how far I seem, with all of the hurt and tears, with all of your heart, keep running to me.”  The Amplified version of this scripture adds on that last line in parenthesis, “until every hindrance is removed and the broken fellowship restored”  I’m so glad it does!  That line meant everything to me!  I knew that the wall was not permanent. I knew that if I persisted it would come down and I would again have access to Him.
The next verse, Joel 2:13, says Rend your hearts and not your garments and return to the Lord, your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in loving-kindness;  and He revokes His sentence of evil.
Back in biblical times, when people mourned they tore their clothing. It was a sign of their grief.  I was loaded down with grief that was self inflicted, tearing my clothing would have been pointless.  It was my own sin that was keeping me from drawing close to God.  Sin that had been hidden deep in my heart.  The only way to rid myself of it was to completely expose it.  I had to tear my heart wide open. I had to expose the ugliness that was within and ask God to fix it. Could I do such a humbling thing? Could I endure the shame of letting my true heart be known by others?
I remember that during that period of my life, when I felt so far from God, I could not worship Him – even though I had been a worship leader for years.  After reading this scripture I knew I had to do it, whether or not I felt it.  I  knew that I had to go into worship with my heart wide open, the ugliness buried in it completely exposed, trusting that God was going to heal it.  At first, those times of worship were cold and awkward – a far cry from what they had once been.  But over time my heart began to heal, the wall between me and my God was gone and the broken fellowship was restored.
Please understand that our sin doesn’t have to be “big” to begin to build a wall between us and God.  Any sin, whether you think it’s a big deal or not, will keep you from the Holy One.  If your worship time is feeling dry or disconnected perhaps it is time to “rend your heart”.  Rip it open and let God get in there and do some surgery. I know it’s scary, I know you don’t want to face what is really hidden deep inside.  But God has so much more for you than you could ever imagine.  He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in loving-kindness!  Shed what is creating the wall and step up to the person God has called you to be!