There are many things I love. I love to bake. I love coffee. I love to travel and have been to nine different countries. I love being a pastor and enjoy speaking at conferences. I am a foster mom, and I love my girls. I am also single. Even though I haven’t always loved it, you can love being single.
Life planning worksheet
Being single wasn’t my plan
I have never been married or even close to being married. If you would have asked me in middle school what my life was going to be like, I would have told you I wanted to be married young. I wanted to have 10 kids (yes, I know I was crazy): five that I birthed and five that I adopted. That was my plan. That was what I thought I wanted.
But it didn’t happen that way. Honestly, for a long time I resented God for that. I often told God my plans instead of asking for His, then I would wait for my plans to happen. I would think things like:
After I’m married, we will adopt kids.
After I’m married, my husband and I will move to a different country and become missionaries.
After I’m married, I will work in ministry.
After I’m married, I will mentor college students.
After I’m married, my husband and I will be foster parents together.
I finally realized that I was wanting someone else because of the insecurities I felt.
You can be complete as a single person
Most of my life, I was told I was incomplete, that I was the lesser of a half I hadn’t found yet. I thought that in order to be happy, I needed to find a person to make me happy.
We have all heard sayings like this, right? Somewhere along the line, I believed them. I believed that I was meant to find my “better half” and that only then would I be able to do the things I felt God calling me to do.
But that was a lie. That thinking was toxic. That logic is not in the Bible and is not God-honoring.
You and God are enough: It’s OK to be single!
God tells us a different story than what society tells us when it comes to relationships.
So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. Colossians 2|10
We are made complete through Jesus. Jesus came, lived, breathed, performed miracles on this earth, then died on a cross. He took the weight of our sin and shame on Himself, and He rose again, conquering death and sin. I believe in Him and what He did for me. I know I was adopted into God’s family. So I know “who” I am: I’m a daughter of God. And you know what? I’m complete with that identity.
There is not another person here on earth who can make us complete. And I realize, THAT SOUNDS SO CHEESY. It’s a hard truth to swallow. But I am telling you, as someone who chased after relationships, who sat in loneliness, and who watched so many of my friends get married–there is no one on earth who can complete us.
It’s only a relationship with Jesus that can make us feel “whole.”
When we find our identity in Jesus:
We are complete.
We are chosen.
We are set apart.
We are valuable.
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.
1 Peter 2|9-10 NLT
Single and stepping out
When we know this truth, it changes everything. The biggest thing that kept me from stepping out as a single person was the fear of what others would think. But now, I know that I am chosen, set apart, valuable, and that I have a purpose.
Those aren’t qualities you can have now. You don’t get them when you’re married and you don’t need to be married to have them.
There was a moment in my life when I finally listened to this and stopped waiting for marriage
I wanted to be a mom, so I became a foster mom. I started mentoring college students. I became a pastor.
I don’t know what would have happened if I had sat back and waited on marriage. I know I would have regrets and possibly would have settled for a marriage that might not have been the right fit.
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Ephesians 4|1
Lead a life worthy of your calling. I’m not sure what your future holds.
You might get married.
You might be single.
You might date.
You might not.
Here is what I do know
You have value. You can be complete through a relationship with God. You have a God-giving calling. Don’t just wait for marriage, as you can love being single.
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