Lovc “it” or List “it”
Troubled marriages almost always have one thing in common. Typically one of the spouses is analytical about their love and one is a list maker. One connects emotionally and one connects logically. It’s most often true that women are the former and men are the latter, but it is not always the case. One spouse is digging around in the soil, analyzing the root structure and soil conditions, while the other is looking at their clipboard thinking, “but I’m doing everything they said they wanted.” As much as your heart would suggest the analysis is the more caring approach, I would actually suggest that the list is closer to the truth of God’s definition. And remember what we said last week about following that heart of yours. And before we leave this thought, one of the critical things about this “list,” is that it needs to be the right one.
The Right One
I believe there are things which are true of true love (the way God defines it). They are action words, they are things we can use to determine whether we are loving truly or being truly loved.
God gives us His list in what is most commonly referred to as “the love chapter” (1 Corinthians 13). This chapter is a staple at weddings, although I wonder if people really read it or believe what it says, or if they just like the way it sounds. So here’s the list (beginning in verse 4 and continuing through verse 8):
- Love is Patient
- Love is Kind
- Love does not envy
- Love does not boast
- Love is not proud
- Love does not dishonor others
- Love is not self-seeking
- Love is not easily angered
- Love keeps no record of wrongs
- Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth
- Love always protects
- Love always trusts
- Love always hopes
- Love always perseveres
- Love never fails
So all you list makers, does this look like your list? All you explorers and analysts, are these the things you’re looking for and are true of you?
Whether you’re trying to confirm whether you are loving someone or wondering if you are being loved, work . through . the . list . If the truths on the list are not true of the other person or are not true of you, then it’s not love. It’s not any more complicated than that … and DON’T make it be. Now, when it comes to working through the list, I believe and hope you find that some of the things are checked off, they are true. Take heart in that, and begin working on the things which aren’t. That’s the place to start.
