Talking To Your Kids About Santa

Christmas time. Shopping and wrapping presents, lights, decorations, and Christmas trees. The baking and family gatherings and parties and outings. Mary and Joseph, and baby Jesus as a manager. And Santa, that jolly man who lives in the North Pole and travels the world in one night delivering presents to all the good boys and girls. As parents who want to raise our children to know Jesus and disciple them well, Santa can be one of the biggest challenges at Christmas. 

Growing up, Santa gave me a lot of anxiety. The idea that he was always watching and could move you to the naughty list for any little mistake was horrifying. I spent every December trying to be perfect, and that’s a lot of pressure for a little kid! Once I became a mom, I didn’t know if I wanted to “do Santa” but I did know I never wanted my daughter to feel that kind of pressure to be perfect. 

On my daughter’s first Christmas, my husband and I debated endlessly about Santa. Should we “do Santa” at our house? What Santa story should we use? Should we just tell her Santa embodies the spirit of Christmas? By giving gifts to everyone but he’s not real? Should we tell her he is real and do the whole Santa thing? If we have Santa at our house, should we have him bring the big gifts and make a big deal out of him? If we tell her Santa is real, will she feel betrayed when she learns the truth? Will she feel she can’t trust us because we lied about Santa? If we don’t “do Santa” will she feel like she is missing out? If we have Santa deliver presents and “our Santa” brings the big gift she was wishing for, could that possibly make another kid feel bad if their Santa didn’t bring them the big gift they wished for? How could we have Santa and still ensure that she knew the real meaning of Christmas? If we had Santa at our house, would he be competing with Jesus? What if she liked Santa better than Jesus? Around and around we went, and there never seemed to be a perfect answer.  

The truth is, there is no one perfect answer that will work for every family. And as our kids grow and change, how we talk about Santa will change as well. 

For our family, we finally decided to have Santa at our house. Our Santa story was a twist on something my grandma always said— we exchange gifts at Christmas because we are celebrating Jesus’ birthday. So Santa would fill our daughter’s stocking every year with little gifts because giving gifts is one way we celebrate Jesus’ birthday. We decided that our focus during the Christmas season would be on doing activities to remember that Christmas is about celebrating the best gift we could have ever been given – Jesus!

When my daughter was little, Santa would fill her stocking every Christmas with small gifts and a few treats. We used an advent calendar that included things like spending time together as a family, bringing treats to our neighbors, and finding ways to care for others. We continued a tradition my Grandma started when I was a little girl by baking a birthday cake for Jesus every year and reading the Christmas story. 

As my daughter got older, she started asking questions about Santa. Was he real? How did he visit every house around the world in one night? How did the reindeer fly? Taking a page out of my Mom’s book, we would ask her what she thought instead of answering directly. She would always decide that Santa was real. My husband and I figured when she was ready to know the truth about Santa, she’d let us know. 

When she was 10 and asked the question, ‘Is Santa real?’, I responded as I always had, ‘What do you think?’ But this time, her response wasn’t the confident “Yes!” from the past, but a serious, “I know he’s made up, Mom.” And that was that. She was ready to know the truth about Santa. Her stocking still gets filled, we still enjoy movies and stories about Santa, we still bake a cake for Jesus on his birthday, and we still use our advent calendar of activities to help us celebrate the true meaning of Christmas. 

I spent a lot of time worrying that if we had Santa at our house, he might overshadow Jesus and the real reason for Christmas, but at age 14, my daughter knows Jesus is the reason we celebrate Christmas. She still finds Santa a fun, make-believe part of Christmas, and she knows that Jesus is way better than Santa any day of the year. Santa might put us on the naughty list for making a mistake, but Jesus loves us always, even when we make a mistake. Santa comes around in December, but Jesus is with us every day all year long. Santa might bring gifts, but Jesus gave us the best gift ever. 

As you think about how your family wants to handle the Santa question, here are some things to think about:

• What beliefs and values are important to your family?

• What traditions did your family have when you were growing up that are important to you to keep?

• What Santa story will you use?

• If you decide to “do Santa” will you tell your kids the truth about him? When?

• How will you respond when your kids ask you questions about Santa?
• In what ways will you keep the focus on Jesus during the Christmas season? 

There is no one-size-fits-all way to talk about Santa. What works for one family might not work for another, and that’s okay!