The Freedom of Forgiveness

We all carry stones in our pockets. Some are small pebbles of everyday hurts – the colleague who took credit for our work, the friend who betrayed our confidence. Others are heavy boulders of deep wounds – betrayal, abuse, abandonment. These stones weigh us down, changing how we walk, how we interact with others, and ultimately, who we become.

But what if freedom isn’t found in throwing these stones, but in letting them go?

Recently, I’ve been reflecting deeply on forgiveness and its transformative power in our spiritual journey. The story from John 8 of the woman caught in adultery provides a powerful lens through which to view both our need for forgiveness and our call to forgive others.

Picture the scene: A woman stands surrounded by an angry crowd, stones at the ready. The religious leaders have caught her in adultery, and according to the law, she deserves death. They bring her before Jesus, expecting Him to either contradict the law (and lose credibility) or condemn her (and contradict His message of grace).

Instead, Jesus does something unexpected. He bends down and writes in the dirt. When pressed for an answer, He straightens up and delivers one of the most profound challenges in Scripture: “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

One by one, beginning with the oldest, they walk away. Why? Because they recognize a profound truth: they too deserve stones thrown at them. They too have sinned. They too need forgiveness.

This is where our journey toward becoming people of forgiveness must begin – with the humbling recognition that we have all, at some point, stood in the middle of that circle, deserving condemnation but receiving mercy instead. The apostle Paul reminds us in Romans 3:23 that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” None of us can claim moral superiority. None of us can rightfully pick up that first stone.

But here’s where many of us get stuck. We say, “Yes, but you don’t know what they did to me.” And you’re right – I don’t. The hurts you’ve experienced may be deep, traumatic, and life-altering. This is where we need to make an important distinction: forgiveness is not endorsement. When Jesus forgave the woman caught in adultery, He didn’t say her actions were acceptable. In fact, He explicitly told her to “go now and leave your life of sin.”

Forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay. It’s not pretending you weren’t hurt. It’s not even necessarily reconciliation (especially in cases of abuse or ongoing harm). Instead, forgiveness is a decision to release your right to retaliation and your grip on bitterness.

Think about a snake that, startled by an axe falling in a garage, coils around it to strike back. As it squeezes tighter, the axe’s blade cuts deeper into the snake’s own flesh. This is what bitterness does to us. We drink the poison, hoping the other person will die. We squeeze tighter, hurting ourselves more deeply, while often having little effect on the one who hurt us.

I’m reminded of a young pastor’s story of ministering to a group of outcasts, pouring her heart into their lives, only to have the ministry shut down by church leadership. For three years, she carried that bitterness, letting it seep into every aspect of her ministry. She gave only 10% of herself to future opportunities, afraid to be hurt again. The bitterness didn’t punish those who had hurt her – it only limited her own effectiveness in God’s kingdom.

Hebrews 12:15 warns us to “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Bitterness is like a weed that, left unchecked, spreads and chokes out the fruit God wants to grow in our lives. It affects not just us, but everyone around us.

So how do we move forward? How do we become people who “greet each day with a forgiving spirit”?

1. Remember your own forgiveness. Regularly reflect on the stones that should have been thrown at you but weren’t, because of Jesus’s grace.

2. Recognize forgiveness as a process. It often begins with a decision but requires ongoing surrender to the Holy Spirit. You might need to release the same hurt multiple times before the neck tension finally releases.

3. Choose to forgive proactively. Rather than waiting for offenses to pile up, decide in advance that you will meet each day with a forgiving spirit.

4. Seek help when needed. Particularly in cases of trauma or abuse, don’t walk this journey alone. Seek counsel from trusted spiritual leaders and professional counselors.

5. Keep your eyes on Jesus. He is our ultimate example of forgiveness, praying for those who crucified Him: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

As we step into this new year, what stones are you carrying? What bitterness has taken root in your heart? Perhaps it’s time to lay these down at the feet of Jesus, who alone can transform our hearts from stone-throwers to grace-givers.

Remember, forgiveness isn’t just about freeing others – it’s about freeing ourselves. It’s about looking more like Jesus in a world that desperately needs to see Him. It’s about breaking free from the debilitating effects of bitterness so we can fully embrace the life and ministry God has for us.

Will you join me in declaring: “This year, with God’s help and the power of the Holy Spirit, I will greet each day with a forgiving spirit. Recognizing the poison caused by bitterness, I will choose to move toward forgiving others the way Jesus has forgiven me”?

The stones in your pocket were never meant to be weapons. They were meant to be monuments to God’s grace – reminders that we who deserved to be stoned have been set free. Maybe it’s time to build an altar of remembrance instead of a wall of bitterness.

Let’s step into this year lighter, freer, and more ready than ever to reflect the radical forgiveness of Jesus to a world that’s desperate to experience it.

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