As soon as we bring up the words submission and headship, there’s often a wave of tension. Some feel anxiety, maybe even a deep discomfort. For many, it’s because these words have been weaponized. Someone used them to control or oppress, not with understanding, but with misuse. They may have quoted Scripture just enough to sound right, but missed the heart behind it entirely.
For others, that tension might come from a misunderstanding, not of someone else’s intent, but of the passage itself. Perhaps your own assumptions about submission have clouded the truth of what Scripture is actually calling us to.
So if you feel that discomfort rising, I want to invite you to just pause for a moment. Set that tension aside, and let’s open up the text together with fresh eyes. Because what we find in Ephesians 5 isn’t a call to domination. It’s a revelation of sacrificial love.
A Misused Text, A Misunderstood Role
The Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 5:22-24, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
This is where many stop. This is where many have misapplied the text. But to stop here is to miss Paul’s real point. He doesn’t stop here. He’s building toward something greater. Before he’s finished, he’s going to say far more about husbands than he does about wives.
Even within this initial section, Paul gives a crucial qualifier: “The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.” There is no period after “head of the wife.” There is a comparison. There is a standard.
Paul is not telling men, “You get to define headship however you want.” He’s saying, “Look to Christ.”
In Paul’s day, it was culturally expected that a woman would have a legal head, first her father, and then her husband. Paul takes that social expectation and layers it with deep spiritual meaning. If you’re the head, your standard is Jesus. And what did Jesus do with His headship? He gave everything.
Headship Is Not Power, It’s Responsibility
Headship isn’t about control. It’s not about superiority or authority for its own sake. It’s about responsibility. It’s about laying your life down.
Ephesians 5:25 makes it clear: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” That’s the calling. That’s the weight. Wives are told to submit. Husbands are told to die.
This is not about whether your wife can stay home, or whether she gets a new car, or a spa day. Those things may be fine, but Paul has something far deeper in mind: “to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” (Ephesians 5:26-27)
Husbands, your call is spiritual leadership. Not dominance. Not entitlement. You are called to build up your wife in the Lord, to help her walk in holiness, to lead her to the foot of Jesus.
A Call to Spiritual Leadership
Every Christian is called to pursue holiness. But husbands are given an added charge to help their wives pursue it, too. That is headship. That is biblical manhood.
It means going to battle spiritually on her behalf. It means taking responsibility not just for the physical well-being of your home, but the spiritual atmosphere. You are a provider, yes, but not just of income or safety. You are a provider of spiritual strength.
This kind of leadership is not about making demands. It’s about serving, just like Jesus did.
The Servant Heart of Jesus
In John 13, Jesus, knowing that “the Father had put all things under his power”, does something remarkable. He rises from the table, wraps a towel around His waist, and washes His disciples’ feet.
That power He held was unmatched. And yet He used it to kneel, to serve, to cleanse.
This is our model.
Paul says husbands are the head as Christ is the head. So what did Jesus do with His headship? He humbled Himself. He served. He didn’t use His authority to lord over others. He used it to lift them up.
This is the kind of man God is calling husbands to be.
Submission Reframed
So to those who’ve struggled with the idea of submission, especially wives, hear this. When a husband walks in the way of Christ, when he lays down his life, when he fights for your holiness, when he leads with humility and service, submission doesn’t feel like subjugation. It feels like trust. It becomes a response to love, not a reaction to control.
But it begins with the man.
The Only Way to Lead Well
There’s only one way to fulfill this calling. It’s not by trying harder. It’s not by enforcing rules. The only way to walk in godly headship is to place yourself under the headship of Christ.
Only when you submit to Him fully and humbly will you understand what it means to lead your wife well. You cannot give what you have not received. You cannot show grace unless you have been transformed by grace.
This isn’t just about being a good husband. It’s about being a faithful disciple.
What Kind of Man Will You Be?
Statistics show that committed Christian men have the strongest, most fulfilling marriages. The men who are checked out, half-in, passive in their walk with Jesus? Their marriages suffer the most.
The difference is a decision.
Husbands, what kind of man will you be? What kind of follower of Christ will you be?
Jesus gave everything for the church. You are called to give everything for your wife.
That’s the model. That’s the call. And that kind of marriage, one marked by mutual submission, sacrificial love, and spiritual growth, begins with your decision to follow Jesus boldly and lead with His heart.
Will you?
We always welcome new friends to worship with us. Find a location that’s close to you!
You can learn more about our beliefs and visit our video library to explore more topics like this one. You can also check out our events page to find out what fun new things we’re doing this season.
