Restoring Relationships | Jesus Forgave

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most of you are thinking right now
especially if you've been coming to 242
on a regular basis you're thinking who
is that guy
who's that guy
like i i know back in the day we used to
have this teaching pastor on staff by
the name of pastor keith but the last
time i saw him he was a lot more as my
mom would say well fed if you know what
i'm talking about
but
here's why you're thinking that is
because since january i've lost 25
pounds
i i think we actually have a picture of
how i used to look bring it up for him
yep that's me back in the day
but brother been putting in some work
putting in some work
but here's why i tell you that is
because that's something that i feel
good about but if i get get more serious
here's something none of us feel good
about
what's happening in ukraine right now
if you've been watching news like i've
been watching news and you've been
praying
your heart's broken
when you watch women and children who
are running for their lives
and then because the men 60 if you're 20
to 60 you have to be in the army they're
literally fighting for their life
in their country
and if you've been praying like i've
been praying there's this nagging
thought there's this this
frustration i wish i could do more
than just pray
recently as a church we were given the
opportunity to do more
some of you will be familiar with pastor
kristoff
years back people from 242 helped him
plant that church in warsaw poland he
contacted us and said hey if you want to
give to the refugee crisis i've opened
up my church for food and shelter for
women children men whoever can escape
then we would love your help and so if
you feel moved
you have the margin to help out there's
a place in our app where you can say hey
i'm going to help out with the
refugee crisis
now that's something some of us can do
based on where we're at in life in the
margin that we have but here's something
that we can all do is we can pray so i
want to invite you to pray with me for
ukraine right now
god we pray for the women
the children the men
who are living in fear and anxiety and
worry
god we pray that you would bring a
healing to the strife
in jesus name and everyone said
amen
you know when you see what's going on in
ukraine right now or you think back to
the summer what was happening in
afghanistan or if you even think about
what's happening right now between the
u.s and iran right now there's a
standoff it's easy to see that we're in
a world
that's in conflict
in crisis
but here's what i know
that many of you right now you're mildly
aware of what's going on around the
world because you have so much conflict
in your personal world
see right now i'm thinking about the the
married couple who drove to church to
get today in separate cars because
there's so much
tension
i'm thinking about the teenager right
now who
your problem is
not that you're saying things that you
don't mean
the problem is you're saying things that
you actually do mean
there's so much tension there's so much
anger in your heart towards your parents
because of the damage that they've done
and the damage that you've done and you
don't know if this relationship
is fixable
i'm thinking about the engaged couple or
the formerly engaged couple
who you had to break it off because you
broke each other's hearts and you're
just in this place where
you didn't expect to be here
25 35 45 formally engaged
but definitely broken-hearted
every single person who's listening to
me watching me online has a relationship
that needs to be restored and so that's
why we're looking at god's word
if you've got a bible today i'm going to
start in genesis chapter 25 and i'm
going to talk to you about some twins
these are some twins who had a
broken relationship to say the least
but as i was preparing for this i
started thinking back to some famous
twins and if you grew up in the 80s and
the 90s like me you will remember in the
90s there was a popular tv show called
full house and you remember these twins
mary kate
and ashley olsen
now what i thought was kind of
interesting as i was doing some research
is that they're actually not identical
twins but they looked enough alike that
they could play the same part
also if you are into sports
maybe you know of marquis and marcus
williams i think it's last name williams
but anyway these guys play in the nba
and this is in 2020
identical twins in the same city playing
for different teams
but this last set of twins
i would imagine a lot of you did not
know about and here's why you're not
going to know about these people is
because these two twins that i'm about
to show you they
do not look alike
and they had a very different life
experience i want to show you this is
ashton
and michael
kutcher
see one is a famous actor in a famous
movie star and one was a model the other
one
never was a movie star and never will be
one has had life you could say pretty
well the other one has struggled in life
the reason i share that with you is the
twins that we're about to read
about
these guys did not look alike they did
not have the same life experience the
only thing that they shared was the same
birthday
in genesis chapter 25 starting at verse
24.
here's what the bible says about these
two twins it says the time came for her
to give birth there were twin boys in
her womb the first came out and was red
his whole body was like a hairy garment
so they named him esau
this first twin comes out and he is
hairy from head to toe
he's so hairy from head to toe that they
name him esau which in hebrew that means
chewbacca this guy is hairy everywhere
and then after him
in verse 26
his brother came out with his hand
grasping esau's heel so they named him
hill catcher
hill grabber
jacob
isaac was 60 years old when rebecca gave
birth
to them
the boys grew up and esau became a
skillful hunter a man of the open
country while jacob was content to stay
at home
among the tents
i tell you these guys were different
one you have esau who's a guy who if
they would live today esau would drive a
f-150 and he'd wear cowboy boots and his
favorite
artist would be garth brooks and jordan
davis
but on the other hand you have jacob and
jacob would wear he would drive a prius
he would wear skinny jeans and he'd have
a deep v-neck shirt
and his favorite artist would be jordan
sparks and taylor swift do we have any
men who will admit that you listen to
taylor swift are you just going to shake
it off did you see what i did there
shake it off
you did
but the point of the matter is these
guys are incredibly incredibly different
and their differences
is going to lead
to real conflict
now them being different is not a
problem
and i'll just say this before
transparency i'd like to see myself more
like esau
like i'd like to see myself as a guy
who's really rugged and so forth and
honestly i do listen to a little bit of
country music even though i grew up on
biggie and tupac and if you don't know
who they are they were christian rappers
in the 90s but anyway my point is uh
but honestly i can be a lot more like
jacob at time more contemplative
but
look at this in
the next verse verse 28
isaac who had a taste for royal game
loved esau
but rebecca loved jacob
same birthday
same mom and dad
but dad says
esau you're my favorite
not because what you do because of who
you are
and jacob
i like you
but
you're not like
esau
this is not the point in the message but
if i could talk to every parent and
especially every father listening to me
right now
how you treat your kids matter
and it's more than what you say
because every man who's in this room
every man watching me online right now
who struggles with massive insecurity is
because
you were jacob and your brother was a
esau
your dad looked at him and said you're
my guy i love you because i like the way
that you do this i like the way you do
that whereas
you
okay
i guess you could come along
it's heartbreaking
and sometimes as fathers we don't think
our opinion matters but but it shapes it
molds a young man's sense of
who they are
see i was in the middle in my family i
had an older brother and i have a
younger brother
my dad liked my older brother because he
named him junior he has my dad exact
name
well and my dad never said this but that
was what i picked up
my younger brother my mom i got the
feeling she liked him more because they
were more alike and personality and so i
kind of lived in the middle
and i know that there are some people in
here like me who
you kind of always wanted to be
mom or dad's favorite
well here's what's going to happen in
their relationship
verse 29 once when jacob was cooking
some stew and esau was out in the open
country
famish which you see the difference
there again one's in the kitchen one's
out in the country
which is why they go on to say that's
why they call them jacob or edom
so
esau is going to come in and he's famous
and he says give me some of that stew
and here's verse 31
says jacob replied first sell me
your birthright
now those of you who are familiar with
the story you understand the importance
of the birthright
but what you're going to come to
understand is esau did not understand
the importance of the birthright until
he missed out on it
see back in that day and time
families were tribal
the father was the most important person
in the family and when it came time to
hidden out of inheritance he would give
a double portion to the firstborn of
money
and
that person would then become the person
who would be in charge of the entire
family in charge of the business that's
the person who'd become the ceo of the
family
esau is entitled to it because he came
out first which is kind of interesting
even though they're twins
but jacob felt entitled to it
there's a jewish tradition that says
jacob felt like he was the firstborn
because if you put two balls in a tube
the one that you put in first is
actually
the first
so he thought of himself that he was
conceived first so he deserved the
inheritance even though esau came out
first
here's how esau is going to respond
look i'm about to die esau said what
good is the birthright
to me
but jacob said swear to me first so he
swore
an oath selling his birthright to jacob
two different guys
one's short-sighted
one is a planner and a plotter
esau's living for the here and now
i came out from the open country i'm
hungry there's red stew feed me i want
to eat whereas jacob is going
hmm
an opportunity
and then
something amazing is going to happen
verse 34
jacob gave esau some bread
some lentil stew
he ate and drank and got up and left and
then the last verse is one
that i bet you if esau was here in this
room he would say this is one of my
greatest regrets it says that esau
despised
his birthright
he despised his birthright
because it's not useful to him now
but
let me say something to everybody who's
25 and under it and you're listening to
me right now
what you despise right now you will
regret later
i'm going to say that one more time what
you despise right now you will regret
later
i'm talking about discipline and
boundaries i'm talking about saving and
hard work i'm talking about doing
homework i'm talking about all the stuff
that you hate right now you will regret
that later because you will not always
be the same age that you are right now
let me say it a different way
right now some of you have good looks
and and you got a beach bob but there's
a day where your beach bar will turn
into a dead bod can i get an a-man up in
here
and you will have to work to look like
this can i get an amen up in here yes
but my point is
esau is not paying attention
to his future
so he forfeits it
everybody who's listening to me right
now who has regret knows exactly what
i'm talking about
and every person who's disregarding what
i'm saying
one moment you're going to be sitting in
a scenario where you're going to go wow
i despise
what was helpful to my future let me
fast forward the story here's what's
going to happen so the day is going to
come isaac is about to die he's he's
almost blind and he calls for esau to
give him
the blessing the birthright
what jacob is going to do is he's going
to impersonate esau
now the question is is he impersonating
or did they make a deal because do you
remember it says he swore on an oath
in our day and time we make contracts we
shake hands but
if you swore on oath in biblical times
there was blood that was shed
so jacob feels like he's rightly
entitled to this esau feels like oh i
made that but i didn't mean it
so what's going to happen is
jacob is going to get the blessing
he's going to get the birthright
and then
esau
is going to feel like oh i was deceived
by my brother
that he'll catch her
see here's the thought process of a hill
catcher jacob that's his name is you
imagine two guys climbing a mountain and
they're in a competition the hill
catcher is the one who grabs the other
guy's heel pulls him down so he can
advance himself that is jacob he's
living down to his name
he deceived his brother or manipulated
him now he's deceiving his father when
jake when esau realizes what happens
here's what the bible says in genesis
chapter 27
verse 41
powerful words
it says esau held a grudge
against jacob because of the blessing of
his father and he said to himself
the days of mourning from my father are
near and then i will kill my brother
jacob
and you thought you had issues in your
family
you thought you had broken relationships
in your family
jacob is gonna become one of the
patriarchs of our faith and he was not
perfect which by the way that's a
message to somebody here who you feel a
little embarrassed and a little ashamed
have having issues we all have
issues
you know i was reading a study this week
that ameriprise did a study about
siblings who argue about money 70 of the
time it's about inheritance
which
i cannot think of a parent
a dying parent who would say i would
want and desire what i've worked for to
give to my kids to be something that
they would argue and fight about and it
got so bad with these two kids that are
these two young men by the time they're
40 years old at least 40 years old they
don't talk to each other for 21 years
21 birthdays
21 anniversaries
21 thanksgivings and christmas and they
don't talk to each other for 21 years
i want you to go back to verse 41
because i want to point out some bring
up verse 41 27 verse 41. it says esau
held the grudge
against jacob
here's what i want to point out
did he hold the grudge or did the grudge
hold him
i've never met anybody who held a grudge
who at some point the grudge doesn't
start holding them back from peace
healthy relationships
this guy's sole
mission in life is to kill his brother
while his father is dying
does that make any sense
it never does
see
when we're emotionally led
and we're living out of a toxic place
none of our decisions make sense what he
said is there's about to be a funeral
for my father and then right after
there's gonna be a funeral for my
brother and the person who's going to
kill my brother
is me
21 years they don't talk to each other
and then
jacob comes back home
jacob is going to run 500 miles away
from his family
now he's older 21 years has passed now
he's in his 60s
he has talked to his brother i haven't
seen him in 21 years he's married he has
a family of his own and while he's on
his way to have a family reunion he has
this experience in genesis chapter 32.
genesis chapter 32 i'm going to start in
verse 24. says jacob was left alone
and he wrestled
and a man wrestled with them until
daybreak
for some of us our greatest fear is
being alone
and sometimes
the reason we're alone
is because of our choices
how we manipulated how we cheated how
how we got over on people
it got us to the top of the ark chart
but it also dismissed and broke down
relationships that mattered to us in the
process
and here is jacob and he's alone
and even though for many of us this is
our worst fear
it could also be our greatest encounter
with god
because some of you came to church alone
right now
but god wants to meet you
and i want you to notice what jacob is
going to do with god is he does what he
does with everybody else is he wrestles
with god
while he's wrestling with this man that
i'm gonna make the point to you this is
god and i'll tell you why
this is god he's wrestling with in verse
25 this is what happens says the man saw
he could not overpower so he touched
jacob's hip
or his socket of his hip and his hip was
ranch as he
wrenched as he wrestled with the man
then daybreak came
and jacob replied the man said to him
let me go for his day break but jacob
replied i will not let you go unless you
bless me
i tell you that jacob had what i would
call a father wound
and i know he still has the father wound
because
21 years later even though he has
what he wanted
he doesn't feel it
i'm going to say that one more time he
has what he wanted he got the blessing
his father put his hands on him and said
jacob you are now blessed with the
birthright you now have the authority of
the family so he has the blessing but he
doesn't feel it
because he knows he had the chief to get
it
what you cheat to get is not really
yours
and you know it's not yours
so you feel like fraud
and that's what jacob is feeling in this
moment and what his father does not give
him he's asking god to give him and then
god's going to do the interesting
mind-boggling thing it says the man
asked him what is your name
now you imagine jacob's been wrestling
all night he can't figure out how to
defeat this guy and so he's doing all of
these moves and he's wrestling because
this is the only thing he knows how to
advance himself is to wrestle
and what's going to happen is the man is
going to take his hip and knock it out
of socket
and then the man is going to ask some
question what is your name and i imagine
if jacob is in that moment he's like
what is my name say my name what does a
beyonce song i have to do would be
getting blessed i don't understand what
what's happening here
but then jacob replies
jacob
he answered
jacob knows when he's asked about his
name
that god is asking him more
than what's on his birth certificate
he's saying who have you been
and basically what jacob's saying is
i've lived down to my name
all my life i've lived trying to advance
my own agenda
jacob would be the worst friend to ever
have
to to have a guy who
loyalty is not in his vocabulary
jacob is going to go if he can use you
if he can get something from you he will
be your friend but you don't go to sleep
at night if there's money on the counter
because jacob will steal it he will lie
to you he will do anything he can to
advance himself and in this moment god
says what is your name and jacob says
i'm the heel catcher
i'm the deceiver
i'm the guy who advances myself at the
interests of others
in this moment along with god
god does something for him
god's gonna change his name
let me tell you something about having
an encounter with god
you can pretend to be a lot of other
people around a lot of other people
you can pretend to be loyal you can
pretend to be kind you can pretend to be
god but when you're alone with god god
knows your name and if you want his
blessing he will ask you
to confess who you've been
but he doesn't leave him there
the man said your name will no longer be
jacob but israel because you have
struggled with god and human and have
overcome
i told you that i would tell you why i
think that he's wrestling with god and
every major scholar believes this is
because of what the man says you have
wrestled with men
and god and overcome and i'm gonna
change your name from jacob hillcatcher
to israel one who struggles with god or
it can also be translated as a prince of
god
jacob what you really wanted from your
dad
is a new identity
you no longer wanted to be the
metaphoric redheaded stepchild you
wanted to be favored
but you thought the way to get favor is
to wrestle your way and to manipulate
your way but what you need to do is you
need to stop wrestling with the one who
has created you
and you need to experience a new
identity
and for the rest of jacob's life he's
going to walk with a limp because he's
at a moment with the presence of god
which always kind of gets me when when
god says you wrestle with men and god
and overcome did he really win
because he walks out with the limp
not god
frederick beekner calls this the
magnificent defeat
that jacob stops wrestling with god and
the moment he stops wrestling with god
and that relationship changes every
relationship in his life is going to
change especially his brother look at
this what happens in verse chapter 33
there's the moment it's the reunion it's
the standoff
since jacob looked up and there was esau
coming with 400 men so he defied his
children among leah and rachel in the
two female servants they put the female
servants and their children in front and
leah and her children next and rachel
and joseph in the rear and then here's
what jacob is going to do
jacob himself went ahead and bowed seven
times as he approached
his brother
jacob
the guy who's the manipulator the
cheater the liar
when he sees his brother after 21 years
he's in the 60s now
instead of saying you did me wrong it's
not fair we swore and you change your
mind he sees him
and seven times
he bows down
because he's at a moment with god
one moment with the presence of god will
change everything about the way you
think and the way you process
relationships
instead of looking for an apology he
shows up with humility and this is the
foundation for what gets his
relationship with esau correct again
jacob is now at a point where he's not
playing games anymore because as he's
had this encounter with god he's seen
his part that he's played and instead of
showing up expecting his brother to do
something to fix the relationship he
takes responsibility for his choices
and here's what jacob and esau is going
to teach us about restoring
relationships if you want to have a r in
front of your relationships if you want
your relationships to be restored start
with the f word forgiveness
here's the first thing that they teach
us about restored relationships is that
forgiveness is a
requirement you're going to have a
better relationship you got to start
with forgiveness
because there's stuff that you did and
there's stuff that they did
but here's what true forgiveness looks
like
especially when you get your
relationship with god right it starts
with
you taking responsibility for your
choices
about 400 years ago there was a puritan
preacher by the name of thomas watson
and he says this is how you take
responsibility for your churches or what
the bible calls repentance he says it
starts with the sight of sin
that i see what i did how i contribute
my sin for what it is and then he says
the second move is the sorrow
of sin
i see it and i feel bad about it and
then i do what jacob did is i confess it
the confession of sin
and once i confess my sin once i confess
what i've done then there's a feeling of
shame
about my
sin and then from my shame i began to
hate it
a hatred of my sin and then finally i
turned from it
let me give you a truth
the people in your life who you want to
apology from will never give you an
apology until they see
what they've done and the only way that
they're going to see that has to do with
them in god
don't the best way for you to restore a
relationship is see your part for what
it was
because the next part of the process
that they're going to learn they're
going to teach us about forgiveness is
that forgiveness is a process
forgiveness is hard
i would love to tell you that
forgiveness is easy
i would love to tell you that that that
hey you can make a choice of giving it's
going to be fine your life is going to
be better and your life will be better
but i will never lie to you and tell you
that it's easy
that grudge that you're holding on to
eventually will start holding you and
that's what makes forgiveness hard
but dr joe rafael he's a christian
counselor he says here's what the
process of forgiveness looks like he
says first it starts with acknowledge
the pain
you were hurt
then he says think through the
experience and he would encourage you to
sit down with a trusted friend or
counselor and start to describe what you
went through and why you feel that way
then he would say imagine yourself on
the other side
which is why
most of us
never get to the place of forgiveness
because we can only see our side
and then he would say remember god's
forgiveness remember how god forgave you
for your sin what you did and then he
would say remember the biblical command
and then he would say let go of the hurt
that grudge that you held onto that's
holding on to you you can let it go
i'm gonna say that one more time you can
let it go
because as much as what they did hurts
you and that you relive through your
imagination you can let that go and you
can begin to be filled with hope and you
can have a better relationship with
people
because the third thing that they're
going to teach us is that forgiveness is
a decision
it's a decision it's a choice
i didn't say it was the easy choice but
it is one
but then here's the last thing
is that forgiveness
has consequences
both ways
if i choose to forgive i have
consequences and the consequences is
that i gotta let go i gotta drop the
revenge i gotta drop that but it also
has consequences on the negative side
and many of us already know this because
we're living those out right now
i want you to go to genesis chapter 33
verse 4 one more time because i wanted
to show you what happened the power of a
restored relationship what forgiveness
can do genesis 33 verse 4 it says so
esau ran
to meet jacob
embraced him through his arms around him
and they wept
because we're done
we're done being enemies because we
never were enemies we were brothers
the person you hate the most
god didn't create them to be your enemy
he created them to be your brother
jesus was what's talking about this
subject of forgiveness he told this
parable in matthew chapter 18 that went
like this many of you are familiar with
it he said that there was once this
master
who forgave a servant a huge amount of
money
and the servant was nervous and he was
scared because he had this huge debt
that he could not repay the master said
you're totally forgiven
and then the gall of that servant
who was forgiven a lot would then go
find somebody who owed him something
that was substantial to him but not
nearly what he was forgiven of
and he grabs that person if you don't
pay me back you are going to jail
forever
look at matthew chapter 18 verse 34 and
35 how jesus responded
it says and anger his master handed him
over to the jailers to be tortured until
he could pay back
all that he had owed
this is how your heavenly father will
treat you unless you forgive your
brother or your sister
from your heart
it has consequences
to your mental health
to your spiritual health
and every relationship in your life
if you don't believe me i want you to
believe
the word of a lady by the name of gene
and bishop
gina and bishop she wrote a book called
change of heart justice mercy and making
peace with my sister's killer
because in the 90s she went through
something none of us would want to go
through
her brother was killed by a young man
who probably was on drugs he killed
her sister
her sister's husband and then her sister
was pregnant so then obviously then the
baby in her womb but here's what she
wrote
this book she says before i truly
forgave the man who killed my family
members
i don't think i realized
what a heavy burden was on my heart
until it lifted
it was like i was breathing
fully
for the first time
in decades
as one of your pastors this is what i
want for you
i don't want you to walk around with
that heavy burden
because it's eating you up inside and
it's affecting every relationship
in your life
it's been said that
we act like beasts when we kill
we act like men when we judge but we act
most like god
when we forgive
let's pray