Winning At Home | The Foundation

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like you're still sleeping
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how we doing
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good awesome we are in week two of the
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series uh winning at home and we've been
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looking forward to this series because
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we know everybody wants to win at home
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regardless of your relationship your
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status your situation like we all want
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to win at home uh and I want to kind of
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mention as we walk throughout this
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series there's going to be times when we
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talk about specific types of
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relationships now there'll be times when
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we talk about marriage there'll be times
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that we talk about dating there'll be
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times we talk about singleness there'll
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be times we talk about being a kid and
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and parenting and and all those things
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it's easy for us to kind of enter into
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something like that say oh that one
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doesn't apply to me but they all apply
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to you because you also have
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relationships so I want us to as we
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continue to go through this series not
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just think of it as like how can I win
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at home but how can you help others win
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at home because maybe you work with
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someone who's married and you're not
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and they're going to be talking to you
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about some struggles and some
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difficulties that they have and and
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maybe throughout this series you get to
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glean some information and learn some
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things that that you get to help share
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with them and say hey here's what I
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learned about the Bible and what the
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Bible says about these things so as we
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continue through this series like that's
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one of the things I want you to keep in
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mind that not only is there amazing
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things here for you uh there's also
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amazing things here that that you can
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help bless other people uh with uh today
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we begin talking about one of the
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favorite things that I had as a kid
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and that was these remember these Jenga
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you remember that game
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like you build a tower and like you try
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to like push the blocks out and see who
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can
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do that without knocking the tower no
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one ever played it that way though right
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because if you're anything like me and
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my kids even you begin to like build
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towers
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that's what they were building blocks
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and my brother and I would always have
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competitions on who could build the
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tallest tower on just one single block
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anybody else ever do this like this is
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this is what you do like you take a
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couple you just start building so you
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have this Foundation of just one block
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I want to introduce you to a guy by the
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name of Kelvin Kelvin is the guy who
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holds some of like world records of
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doing exactly this just building Jenga
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blocks on top of one single block
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Foundation
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not crazy
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like I'm not even sure like
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physics how that works of course I don't
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even think about physics but
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um this is just some of the examples of
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things that he does I don't even know
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how you combine these together and not
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knock these over also let me know
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clearly a guy with too much time on his
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hands just saying uh so there's that one
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here's another one that was like super
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tall again all built on one and I'm
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going the easy route I'm building on one
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laying down he's building on one
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standing straight up so
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um he's definitely more talented this
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one he had to remove a tile
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it got so tall he had to take a tile off
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and this one to me is the craziest one
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if you've ever seen me play golf I have
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trouble getting the ball to stay on the
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tee this guy's building like a tower of
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Jenga blocks on top of a golf ball
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Insanity in my opinion but I think maybe
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the greatest feat for him is he is a
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Guinness World Book a world record
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holder of using
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over a thousand blocks
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to build one single tower on one single
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block check this video out
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[Applause]
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amateur app it's nothing so if you
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notice over the left side
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there's a sign on top of Jenga blocks
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indicating how many more sets of Jenga
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blocks he has to go and he's uh 13 more
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to go on top of that block
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and presumably I don't know if that's
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his real heart rate at the bottom left
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but at some point it gets to be mine
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like this is like anxiety ridden for me
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to watch it so he's down to three three
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towers Two Towers one Tower he's gonna
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show off here at the end okay show off
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we got it
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1512 Jenga blocks on one
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single block
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and he takes all his videos and stuff so
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he posted social media people can follow
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him if he's a tool and it all crashes
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down because that's what happens right I
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mean at some point your Tower comes
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tumbling to the ground and no matter how
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tall we would build our Tower at some
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point it would all come crashing down
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like that's our life right
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because for some of us this is what
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we're doing with our lives we're
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building these towers on a foundation on
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a block that's just it's just not going
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to hold
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Jesus talked about a lot of things in
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the Bible one of the things he talked
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about was how to build a tower actually
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he says suppose one of you wants to
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build a tower
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won't you first sit down and estimate
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the cost and see if you have enough
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money to complete it for if you lay the
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foundation
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and are not able to finish it everyone
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who sees it will ridicule you saying
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this person began to build and wasn't
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able to finish
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like I know Jesus isn't just talking
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about Towers here but but he has
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indicating the fact that we all kind of
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understand that that how we go about
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building what we build is important
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what we build upon is important the
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foundation that we have so I think if
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Jesus were to build a tower he's like
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you know what the smart thing is not to
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build a tower where you're building upon
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just one single block a smart thing is
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to have a sturdier Foundation but for
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many of us when we think about our lives
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what we're doing is we're building a
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tower on one single block and here's the
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reality you may be able to sustain it
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for a while
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the tower may get higher and higher and
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higher and if you're really good at
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managing your life and doing this then
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maybe you end up at the tower of 1512
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blocks stacked on one but eventually
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what happens it always crumbles down and
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maybe you can relate to that
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because maybe at some point in time in
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your life
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you realize that your life was just
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crumbling down around you because you
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had built upon a faulty Foundation
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maybe it happened once
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maybe it happened twice or maybe when
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you think about your life and your
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relationships and and what life is like
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at home you realize this happens over
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and over and over again it just keeps
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crumbling down around us I don't think
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anybody enters into relationships and
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says I want this to fail
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right I've never had a couple come to me
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and say hey I would love for you to do
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my wedding uh we're looking to get a
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good year out of this and then uh after
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a year was going to blow the whole thing
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up
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I've never met an expectant mother who
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said yeah I can't wait to be a parent of
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a toddler but after the toddler years
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I'm out dude I'm done
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I've never seen someone enter into a
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relationship and begin to build a real
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intimate friendship and say you know
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what I'm I'm gonna ghost them in three
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months
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it happens marriages fail
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children without parents and
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relationships are broken and they
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crumble
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it's just kind of the reality of life
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but no one no one goes into it expecting
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those things to happen but yet Here's
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Where We Are
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many of us just building our Tower of
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life and relationships upon
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a flimsy Foundation at best
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uh there's a book entitled uh building
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Better Together by John Van app and he
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writes about building relationships
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according to God's word and what does it
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look like to to structure our
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relationships in a in a healthy way
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where they're strong and they're stable
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he talks about a thing he calls
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relationship attachment model and
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there's some really practical things uh
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for us to use when we think about our
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relationships whether it's our marriage
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or relationships with our kids or dating
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relationships or really close intimate
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friends whatever it may be there's some
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really practical advice here for us so I
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want to walk through these this model
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these five components of a relationship
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that he says are critical in the way
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that they're built so you can have a
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strong sustaining relationship so let's
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just walk through these they are no
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trust rely commit
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and touch now he says these have to
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happen in a certain order
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it can't happen in the other reverse
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order it's critically important that we
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build our relationships in this way so
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let's walk through these and understand
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why we have to build our relationships
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like this so the first one is no
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so this is where we get like some real
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intimate knowledge of one another this
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is where we have conversations about our
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our hopes and our dreams
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our aspirations are our longings our our
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fears our anxieties this is where real
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conversation happens right this isn't
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this isn't surface level stuff this
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isn't just talking about about the
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weather
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that this isn't talking about uh whose
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team won yesterday right
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this is this is getting to the
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nitty-gritty of of who we really are
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like the question is when you think
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about your relationships do you really
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know them
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and do they really know you
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now I would eventually say that when we
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begin to talk about this one there's
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only a few people that really know you
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I mean there's only a few people you
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have that close of an intimate
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relationship with them and they're like
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do they know everything about me yeah
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there's about two or three
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that know everything about me
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and he says this is where we have to
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start we can't start anywhere else like
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we just have to start with knowledge and
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it takes time right like if you have a a
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child I have a a uh a freshman and she
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went to a homecoming dance last night
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dad was a mess right like oh no like
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this is the same girl that used to
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follow me around and think I was the
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coolest thing on the Earth and now she's
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going to these dances I don't like this
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now if she were to come home one day and
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say Hey Dad I just met this guy and
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we're getting married like I would
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number one lose my ever loving mind but
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number two would be like absolutely not
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there's no way you're going to get
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married and why do we say that because
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there's no way that she knows him
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you may know about him you may know a
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few things about him but you don't
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really really know him
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because we all know intuitively that our
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relationships are real stable
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trustworthy relationships the ones that
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will endure the test of times the one
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that will will endure the the storms
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that come up in our lives
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we have to know
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each other
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and after we know each other then we
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begin to trust one another
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where Safety and Security plays in right
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this is when we begin to really have a
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heart
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based on the knowledge this is where we
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begin to lean into the fact that because
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I know you
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I can have confidence that I can trust
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you
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I have a couple like really close Pastor
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friends back in Indiana and they're um
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probably the two people
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that that know me better than anyone
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with the exception of my wife
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now so those three people are the people
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I would say like I trust these people
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for instance you can ask me today how
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was your week and I'll I'll be honest
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with you I'll tell you how my week was
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but if my wife asked me that question
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it's been a hard week I may just start
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crying
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why because I trust my wife
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like when we really know someone I mean
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I have a really intimate connection
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where we we know our innermost thoughts
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and our dreams and our aspirations we
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begin to truly trust one another now
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these for large part are your head and
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your heart right we haven't put anything
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into action yet we just know one another
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and we trust one another where we begin
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to put into action as we rely on one
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another and this is the the living out
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of the knowledge and the trust that we
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have for one another
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this is when we actually rely on people
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for instance those two friends back in
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Indiana are the two people that I know
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that no matter what whatever time of day
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it is whatever I need if I call them
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they'll be there for me
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and they know that about me
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now if you begin to think about your
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closest relationships or these people
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you rely on
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are these people that you know be on a
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shadow of a doubt that when you reach
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out to them when you need something
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they're going to be there for you
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you can rely on one another
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so after we have knowledge of each other
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we trust one another we begin to put
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into action and rely on one another then
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there's this commitment
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now to commit is interesting because we
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begin to talk about committee and we we
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often think of like marriage vows right
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how many of you are married raise your
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hand or have been married yeah when you
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said your marriage vows it was simply a
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promise that's all it was
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there's nothing magical about it you're
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promising to be with one another
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and sickness and health for richer for
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poor hopefully richer
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all these things you make all these
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promises
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but the real commitment the commitment
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in that comes when you actually begin to
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live out your promise
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it's when we say the promises I made
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aren't just promises they're actually
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commitments that I'm going to prioritize
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you
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and prioritize our relationship
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how many of you been in a relationship
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that
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um you thought it was strong
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you thought they were closed and then
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you discover
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that they're not actually committed
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to your relationship
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I
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my dad when I was in high school my dad
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had major surgery and I remember being
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in the hospital and I was a bold young
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man at that time and I asked his nurse
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out on a date and she accepted it was
13:32
weird it was an awkward day so we went
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out and I could take you to the
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restaurant in Anderson Indiana where we
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went to dinner because it was maybe the
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most awkward dinner I've ever had in my
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entire life uh I don't think the food
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had even arrived yet
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and she began to ask me if we get
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married
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right right we're already across the
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line if we get married will you become
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Catholic for me that was the question
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like I think we had breadsticks at the
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time that's all we had like and I'm
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thinking look we're not a commitment
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stage
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I don't even know your last name right I
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don't know near enough about you to get
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to this point she was thinking
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commitment I was thinking I just want to
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know like where were you born I don't
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know like are you from Indiana
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I know nothing
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we can't get these out of order
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like a commitment is a promise that we
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make to one another it's a it's a
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prioritizing the relationship that we
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have because of what we know of one
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another how we trust each other and how
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we rely on one another
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and finally we get to touch
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now touch is an easy one for us to just
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begin to think about like oh this is
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romantic touch right we start thinking
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about sexual touch and yes that is a
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part of it depending on your
14:47
relationship that is a part of it
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but I want you to think of it this way
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so during a pandemic
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maybe you lost the loved one
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for whatever reason
14:58
and maybe if you were if it was a
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certain time period you heard from the
15:02
funeral home that you can only have a
15:04
limited number of people come to that
15:06
funeral
15:07
and you had to wear masks and you had to
15:09
stand a certain distance away from each
15:11
other that was that's a real thing that
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happened to people
15:14
in those moments you begin to realize
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how important touch is
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because we're not just talking about
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romantic or sexual touch intimate touch
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we're talking about like there are times
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in your life you just need someone to
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give you a hug
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there are times in your life that you
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just need someone to put their arm
15:32
around you and just know that you're not
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alone
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there's times in your life that there's
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just a need
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for some sort of physical touch in your
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life I still remember one of those
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friends of mine back in Indiana like
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there was a I was going through some
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stuff
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um in Ministry it was just a hard season
15:49
of my life and um
15:51
I just remember him like coming up to me
15:54
and he put his arm like on my shoulder
15:56
and he said you know Tony and just just
15:58
begin to speak some just truths of Jesus
16:00
in my life and
16:02
um it was powerful and it was impactful
16:04
but if I think back to that moment one
16:06
of the reasons it was so impactful
16:07
because someone I was in a relationship
16:09
with
16:10
touched me
16:12
he just put his hand on my shoulder
16:15
and it was through that touch that there
16:17
was a there was a a form of a connection
16:19
why because because our bodies are wired
16:21
for this
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you know that God God Made You for touch
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like there are uh hormones that get
16:28
triggered within your body that Rush
16:30
throughout your body that make you feel
16:31
connected to people when you when
16:33
there's touch
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right I mean it's just a part of Nature
16:37
and let me let me speak for a moment if
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you are like in high school or dating
16:41
let me speak to you for a moment
16:44
a relationship built on trust is a
16:47
relationship that will not lie or touch
16:48
is a relationship that will not last
16:51
unfortunately we live in a world now
16:53
where the relationships often are built
16:56
in this direction
16:58
that it begins with touch
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and if you're dating and you're in like
17:03
teenager whatever here's what happens
17:05
like physical touch happens whether it's
17:07
appropriate inappropriate whatever in in
17:09
these hormones like you've already got
17:11
hormones like crazy right and and now
17:13
we've got more chemicals rushing through
17:15
your body and you begin to feel bonded
17:17
and connected with that person all
17:19
because of touch but the problem is the
17:21
things that make a sustainable stable
17:23
strong relationship
17:25
are non-existent
17:28
and now you've got a relationship where
17:31
you feel bonded to someone
17:34
you don't actually know them
17:38
and maybe you're thinking about your
17:39
current relationship and you're like
17:41
Whoa man that's me
17:44
you begin to think about your
17:45
relationship and you're like man I just
17:47
don't have
17:48
I don't have this in my life
17:52
not in this order
17:55
think of it um
17:57
like faders in your life
18:00
like imagine for a moment that um you
18:02
just thought about your relationship
18:03
your relationship not the relationship
18:05
your kids have or your husband's just
18:07
like your relationship
18:10
and think about these like what are the
18:12
faders for you
18:15
like maybe maybe at some point like
18:17
maybe you just got married right and
18:19
you're like oh man touch is really high
18:21
we just got married whoops
18:23
say touch is really high so we just got
18:25
married and we're really committed to
18:27
one another we're still learning to rely
18:29
on each other I think I trust them and
18:32
um maybe I don't really know him that
18:34
much I don't know maybe that's you
18:36
right 40 years maybe you've been married
18:37
40 50 years I don't know maybe Touch
18:39
goes back down here I don't know it's a
18:41
joke
18:42
just you know I did that Thursday night
18:44
and then someone came up to me and
18:46
corrected me that that is not true and I
18:48
was like way too much information don't
18:49
wanna I don't want to know that
18:51
so I don't know so so what if what if
18:53
you did this what if you looked at your
18:55
your faders your sliders and you said
18:57
hey here's where I'm at and then you sat
18:59
down with the person you're in a
19:00
relationship with married dating good
19:02
friends whatever it may be and said hey
19:03
where where do you think we are
19:07
it would be interesting to me to compare
19:08
these
19:09
to say like are we on the same place
19:11
like do I think like we really know each
19:13
other and they don't think they know me
19:14
at all like is that something we need to
19:16
work on
19:19
or maybe you look at your faders and
19:20
you're like oh man
19:23
I messed up
19:26
because you look at your life and you're
19:27
like man I've just built relationships
19:30
on
19:31
a wrong Foundation
19:34
I've just built my life on this this
19:36
unsteady foundation and it's just not
19:38
healthy is it too late no it's not too
19:40
late
19:42
remember last week if you were with us
19:43
we talked about a one really important
19:46
lesson
19:47
all things can be redeemed
19:51
in Jesus all things can be redeemed that
19:53
even means a relationship that maybe is
19:55
built upon the wrong things
19:58
so how do we do this
20:00
how do we allow our our relationships to
20:03
be transformed and changed well
20:05
let's see what Jesus says
20:07
hearing that Jesus had silenced the
20:09
Sadducees and Pharisee the Pharisees got
20:11
together
20:12
one of them an expert in the law tested
20:14
him with this question teacher which is
20:16
the greatest commandment of the law we
20:18
know this question it's one of the great
20:19
passages of scripture Jesus replied
20:22
what's he say
20:24
he says love the Lord your God
20:27
with all your heart with all your soul
20:29
and with all your mind this is the first
20:31
and greatest commandment and the second
20:33
is like it love your neighbors yourself
20:35
all the law and Prophets hang on these
20:37
two commandments so Jesus says hey these
20:39
are super important right and we say of
20:42
course they're important why because
20:43
it's the greatest commandment
20:46
we know this we even call it the
20:48
greatest commandment
20:50
but Jesus didn't just say it was the
20:52
greatest commandment
20:53
Jesus also said
20:56
this is the first commandment
20:59
I don't think it's by mistake that Jesus
21:01
called it two different things it's the
21:02
first
21:03
and it's the greatest
21:06
what does he mean when he says it's the
21:08
first this is what we base everything on
21:12
this is the foundation of all things
21:15
like you can have your relationships in
21:17
whatever order the the no and all that
21:19
stuff but
21:21
is Jesus the foundation of it
21:25
this is the first commandment
21:28
love God
21:30
first
21:32
I love um
21:34
the way Oswald Chambers says he says
21:36
your priorities must be God first
21:38
god's second God third
21:41
until your life is continually face to
21:43
face with God
21:46
the foundation of our relationships
21:50
the foundation of winning at home
21:54
is a relationship with Jesus
21:57
it really is that simple
21:59
regardless if you're married single
22:00
dating whatever it may be
22:03
the foundation of all things
22:05
is a relationship with Jesus
22:10
you know the problem is that many of us
22:12
we we haven't built upon that Foundation
22:16
like this hasn't been just kind of the
22:17
way that we've gone about our
22:19
relationships and our lives
22:21
Jesus wasn't done talking about it being
22:23
the first he says seek first
22:28
the kingdom and his righteousness
22:30
and all these things will be given to
22:31
you as well this is in the context of
22:33
worry
22:34
this is what Jesus is talking about he's
22:35
talking about worry right where else do
22:37
we worry then in our relationships
22:39
right if you're married you worry
22:42
if you're a parent I promise you you
22:44
worry
22:45
if you're dating you worry if you're
22:46
single you worry if you're a widow you
22:48
worry like it's just a part of our lives
22:51
and what Jesus says in the midst of is
22:53
like look guys seek first his kingdom
22:56
rule number one for worry
22:59
seek first his kingdom
23:01
rule number one for relationships seek
23:04
first his kingdom rule number one for
23:07
your life seek first his kingdom
23:10
like the foundation of all things has to
23:12
be relationship with Jesus Christ
23:17
do you remember the the building that
23:19
fell in Miami and killed 98 people a
23:20
couple years ago
23:22
this is a building that um
23:24
some Corners were cut when the building
23:26
was constructed they didn't take into
23:29
consideration how how time and weather
23:31
would would affect the building and the
23:34
Integrity of the structure and
23:36
there were cracks in the columns or
23:38
cracks in the foundation cracks in the
23:40
walls there were signs they knew this
23:41
was going wrong in fact they had some
23:43
sort of plan to deal with it but you
23:44
know how they dealt with it initially
23:47
spackle and paint baby
23:49
they just covered it up
23:51
they just covered up the deterioration
23:53
of the building and
23:55
and tried to prolong how long they had
23:57
until they fixed it and eventually one
23:59
day it collapsed and 98 people lost
24:01
their lives
24:03
it was not a game
24:06
and your relationships are not a game
24:07
either
24:09
yet when we build our relationships when
24:12
we're establishing the foundation for
24:14
our relationships many of it us we many
24:17
of us we treat it like it's a like it's
24:20
a game
24:22
I think sometimes we get our
24:23
relationships out of the box and we just
24:25
we just begin to see how tall of a
24:27
building can I build on just one flimsy
24:31
piece of foundation and the higher we go
24:34
the higher we go the more flimsy it
24:37
becomes and it becomes Rocky and shaky
24:40
and maybe just maybe you're really good
24:42
at this like my brother was
24:44
and you can get a really tall building
24:46
on one single block but at some point in
24:50
time it's going to fall over
24:52
and that'll be your life
24:55
and we'll fall over because you didn't
24:57
build it on a proper Foundation of Jesus
25:00
look the steps we laid out the the
25:02
starting with knowing one another and
25:04
then trusting and relying and committing
25:07
and touch those are critically important
25:09
they're really important for for
25:10
building a healthy stable relationship
25:12
but
25:14
but if it doesn't start with Jesus
25:18
if it doesn't start with with knowing
25:21
him and having a relationship with him
25:24
You're Building upon a single block
25:27
and eventually even if you're really
25:29
good at it really good at creating a
25:31
huge Tower like we saw in the video
25:34
1512 pieces eventually it will come
25:37
Crashing Down
25:40
because the foundation will not support
25:42
the relationship
25:45
so maybe for you
25:48
today
25:49
it's just kind of revisiting the
25:51
foundation of your relationship
25:53
the foundation of your marriage
25:56
the foundation of your parenting the
25:58
foundation of your dating
26:01
the foundation of your friendships
26:05
and it's just saying how can I how can I
26:07
begin to strengthen the foundation of my
26:09
Reliance and dependence Upon Jesus
26:13
we're going to enter into our time of
26:16
just Allowing God to speak to us
26:18
so we set aside time every service if
26:21
you're new to 242 let me kind of explain
26:23
how this works I'm going to pray in a
26:25
moment and walk off stage and the band's
26:28
going to continue to play and as they do
26:29
you have opportunities that we provide
26:32
for you to just connect and respond to
26:34
God however he's leading you to respond
26:37
um in the back there's uh tables with
26:39
with candles on them that's where our
26:42
prayer team is at and they're ready to
26:43
serve you and pray for you and pray with
26:45
you all you have to do is walk up to
26:47
them you don't have to say a word you
26:48
know just come up say I just need prayer
26:49
and they'll pray over you you can tell
26:51
them exactly what to pray for uh they're
26:53
amazing Servants of our Lord Jesus and I
26:55
would love to serve you in that way
26:57
uh when you came in you also received
26:59
communion elements as I dig mine out of
27:01
my pocket here
27:03
um
27:04
this is this is again I want to be
27:06
really clear this is not just a way to
27:07
remember Jesus this is a way to receive
27:09
Jesus
27:10
in in this crazy way we receive the
27:13
grace of Jesus
27:15
here remember last week we talked about
27:17
all things are redeemable maybe today
27:19
you you're thinking about your
27:21
relationship and you're like I've built
27:23
my relationship in the wrong way
27:25
I haven't built on the right foundation
27:28
or maybe today is a day that you
27:30
remember back to the sacrifice that
27:32
Jesus made for you
27:34
not just so you can remember it but so
27:36
you can live into it so you can receive
27:38
it so that you can actually begin to
27:39
build your relationships on the right
27:41
foundation of him
27:44
maybe today
27:46
um you realize that this has not been a
27:49
suitable foundation for you
27:52
and you've done a great job a great job
27:54
of building your life on on this
27:58
but maybe
28:01
maybe what you realize today is that you
28:04
need something stronger
28:07
maybe today's the day that you meet
28:08
Jesus for the first time
28:12
if that's you we'll have a couple
28:13
leaders over here ready to have a
28:14
conversation with you they're getting
28:16
into place now and
28:18
um
28:18
they'd love to just talk with you about
28:19
what that next step looks like for you
28:22
as you receive Jesus in your heart and
28:23
your life that maybe baptism is your
28:25
next step they'll have that conversation
28:27
with you we're ready for you
28:28
and they're ready to help you discover
28:30
and discern whether or not that's the
28:31
right thing for you
28:33
as we enter into this time this is a
28:35
time that I always say if the holy
28:36
spirit's nudge you need to do something
28:37
you should probably do that thing
28:40
and I believe
28:42
what he's nudging all of us to do
28:45
is to have strong relationships
28:49
built upon the foundation of Jesus would
28:52
you pray with me
28:54
Lord God we
28:56
so very thankful for the opportunity to
28:59
be in relationship with others because
29:01
we notice through relationships that we
29:03
grow
29:05
it's through relationships that we are
29:06
supported that we are encouraged that we
29:08
are held accountable
29:11
relationships that we're loved
29:14
God we want those relationships to be
29:16
healthy
29:17
we want them to be stable and endure the
29:19
test of time and all the storms that
29:21
come up and God we know we know beyond a
29:23
shadow of a doubt because your scripture
29:25
is clear that you are the foundation for
29:27
our lives
29:28
and it means that you're the foundation
29:30
for our relationships too
29:33
would you just Holy Spirit sweep through
29:36
this space
29:38
and speak to each and every single
29:41
person here myself included
29:43
and help me discover
29:45
help us discover
29:47
how we can better establish our
29:49
relationships on you
29:51
it's in Christ's name we pray
29:54
amen