This weekend we’ve been exploring a critically important topic – how unforgiveness can ensnare us and hold us back from the freedom and fullness God desires for our lives. As we’ve been unpacking, the enemy of our souls would love nothing more than to bait us into sin through harboring bitterness, anger, and an unforgiving spirit. But Jesus has a better way for us.
We began this series by talking about the importance of building our lives on the solid foundation of Jesus and his teachings. When we hear His words and put them into practice, we’re like the wise man who built his house on the rock – our lives have a sturdy foundation that can withstand the storms. Last week, we talked about the danger of being distracted by chasing after misplaced priorities, rather than seeking first the kingdom of God. This leaves us vulnerable to the enemy’s schemes.
Now this week, we’re diving into how unforgiveness can act as bait to lure us into a very dark place. As the psalmist warns in Psalm 37, “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” Unforgiveness doesn’t just hurt the person who has wronged us, it ends up harming us as well. It can fill our hearts with bitterness, rage, and malice—toxic emotions that the apostle Paul urges us to “get rid of.”
You see, when we decide to follow Jesus, we embark on a journey of becoming more like Him. This means actively “putting to death” the sinful attitudes and behaviors associated with our old selves, and “putting on” the new self that is being renewed in the image of our Creator. Forgiveness is a critical part of this transformation.
Peter once asked Jesus, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” (Matthew 18:21). Peter must have thought he was being pretty generous with that suggestion. But Jesus replied, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” In other words, don’t even try to keep count—just keep forgiving, over and over again.
Then Jesus told a parable to illustrate the importance of this kind of limitless forgiveness. There was a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. One servant owed him an astronomical amount of money—the equivalent of about $10 million in today’s money. When the servant begged for patience and promised to pay it all back, the king took pity on him and canceled the entire debt.
But then this same forgiven servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him the equivalent of about $100. When the second servant begged for patience, the first servant had him thrown into prison. When the king heard about this, he was outraged. “You wicked servant,” he said. “I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?” And the king had the unforgiving servant thrown into prison to be tortured until the debt was paid in full.
Jesus ends this parable with a sobering warning: “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” Ouch. That’s a heavy word, isn’t it? The truth is, we’ve all been forgiven an astronomical debt that we could never repay on our own. And now Jesus is calling us to extend that same kind of extravagant, undeserved forgiveness to those who have wronged us.
I’ll admit, this is not easy. In fact, it may be one of the most difficult things Jesus asks of us. When someone has hurt us deeply, our natural instinct is to hold onto that hurt, to nurse the wound, to plot our revenge. Forgiveness can feel like letting the offender off the hook, like they’re getting away with it. And we’re the ones left holding the bag.
But that’s where we have to shift our perspective. As Corrie ten Boom so beautifully said, “Forgiveness is setting the prisoner free, only to find that the prisoner was me.” When we refuse to forgive, we’re the ones who end up imprisoned—by bitterness, anger, and a heart that has grown cold and hard. We’re the ones who end up tortured, as Jesus warned, unable to fully experience the freedom and joy that God desires for us.
Forgiveness is not saying that what happened was okay. It’s not a feeling, but an act of the will. It’s not about immediately restoring trust or reconciling the relationship. It’s about releasing the other person into God’s hands and choosing to no longer be controlled by the wrong they’ve done to us.
Like Corrie ten Boom, many of us have faced unimaginable hurts and betrayals. The things that have been done to us are in no way okay. But Jesus is calling us to a higher way, to follow in his footsteps of radical, sacrificial forgiveness. He’s not asking us to do something he hasn’t already modeled for us. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. While we were his enemies, he extended grace and forgiveness.
And now He’s inviting us to do the same. To forgive those who have wronged us, just as he has forgiven us. To release them from the debt they owe us, just as our overwhelming debt has been canceled. To set the prisoner free, and in doing so, find that the prisoner was us all along.
I know this is hard. I know there are people in our lives who have hurt us deeply, who have betrayed our trust, who have seemingly gotten away with their wrongdoing. Extending forgiveness to them may be one of the most difficult things we ever do. But Jesus isn’t asking us to do this in our own strength. He’s asking us to rely on the power of His Spirit at work within us.
When we come to Jesus, broken and weighed down by our own sin, He doesn’t demand that we clean ourselves up first. He covers us with his grace and forgiveness, and then He invites us to walk in that same grace and forgiveness towards others. It’s a journey, to be sure. We won’t get it perfect every time. But as we practice, as we actively “put off” the old self and “put on” the new, we’ll find that the chains of unforgiveness start to fall away.
In place of bitterness, we’ll experience freedom. Instead of rage, we’ll find peace. Where there was anger, God will cultivate compassion and love. Not because we worked really hard at it, but because we’ve allowed the power of the gospel to transform us from the inside out.
So I want to encourage you – take a moment right now and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal anyone you need to forgive. It might be a family member, a friend, a coworker, or someone from your past. Whoever it is, bring that name before the Lord and pray this prayer with me:
“God, I’ve held on to unforgiveness against [name]. I’m asking you to give me the strength to forgive them, so I can be free from the trap of offense. My unforgiveness is making me bitter and holding me back from the future you want for me and my family. Today, I choose to forgive [name] the same way you have chosen to forgive me.”
Take a few moments to sit with that prayer. Allow the weight of those words to sink in. Unforgiveness is a prison of our own making, but Jesus offers us the key to freedom. As we choose to forgive, we’re not just setting the other person free—we’re setting ourselves free as well.
This may not be an easy journey, but it’s a necessary one if we want to experience the fullness of life that Christ has for us. So let’s keep pressing forward, leaning on his grace and strength, and watching as he transforms our hearts and lives through the power of forgiveness.
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